A resource blog for those who've suffered through any type of baby loss, and for those who want to try to "get it".
About this blog
The intent of this blog is to form an interactive community where parents of dead babies can come together and swap information, stories, tears, memories and encouragement. This is designed to be a neutral place. We are not religious nor are we anti-religious. Come as you are. You can sign the guest book, add your baby(ies) to the baby name memory list, review books on infant death, add warnings about movies and books that contain a dead baby, add your blog to our directory or a number of other things. Don't hesitate to contact us if you have any questions or would like to see something added to this blog. Rule One: be kind to each other. We're all in this together. We all suffer and miss our babies madly.
What's New?
If you are new to blogging and would like to be featured please let us know! Looking for parents who are new to this community and are looking for some peer support.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Question of the week
What seems to have been the hardest milestone since your child's death, and how did you cope with that day?
My hardest milestone was the resurfacing of Aunt Flo. We really hoped to get pregnant right away after losing Leila - not that we're trying to replace her, but she was such a miracle after years of infertility, and I wanted to capitalize on the increased fertility postpartum. How did I cope with that day? I didn't. I spent the day sobbing, imagining new ways to kill myself, and just wishing the world would go away. It was a horrible day, and to say that I can look forward to it every month until I'm "used to it" scares the crap out of me.
It has not been a year since Lukas has passed so I think up until now the hardest was my first mother's day. It did not feel like mother's day to me. Knowing that I would not be holding my son on day specifically for mother's hurt. There I was childless and heartbroken.
For some very strange reason father's day was really hard for me. The night before father's day I felt Akul's presence and that may be one reason and the second may be the fact that my husband wanted to have a child so very much and I so much wanted for him to have a baby that it broke my heart to see his arms empty on that day. I did not even have the courage to wish him on that day.
It's been just over 6 months for he, and I don't really think I've had any milestone that was harder than the other. The due date was scarey, well the weeks leading up to it. I think that mostly the milestones have all blurred in with the everyday sorrow I feel. Or I'm just too numb to see straight enough to have figured this question out yet.
4 comments:
My hardest milestone was the resurfacing of Aunt Flo. We really hoped to get pregnant right away after losing Leila - not that we're trying to replace her, but she was such a miracle after years of infertility, and I wanted to capitalize on the increased fertility postpartum. How did I cope with that day? I didn't. I spent the day sobbing, imagining new ways to kill myself, and just wishing the world would go away. It was a horrible day, and to say that I can look forward to it every month until I'm "used to it" scares the crap out of me.
It has not been a year since Lukas has passed so I think up until now the hardest was my first mother's day. It did not feel like mother's day to me. Knowing that I would not be holding my son on day specifically for mother's hurt. There I was childless and heartbroken.
For some very strange reason father's day was really hard for me. The night before father's day I felt Akul's presence and that may be one reason and the second may be the fact that my husband wanted to have a child so very much and I so much wanted for him to have a baby that it broke my heart to see his arms empty on that day. I did not even have the courage to wish him on that day.
It's been just over 6 months for he, and I don't really think I've had any milestone that was harder than the other. The due date was scarey, well the weeks leading up to it. I think that mostly the milestones have all blurred in with the everyday sorrow I feel. Or I'm just too numb to see straight enough to have figured this question out yet.
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