Question of the week

Do you have any family traditions that you are planning on incorporating your childs memory into during the holidays?  Do you have anything special planned in rememberance of your little one?

Question of the week

With the gift giving holidays fast approaching, have you decided to purchase a gift for, or in rememberance of, your little one?  If so, what is it and what are your plans for it?

Question of the week

Knowing that grief comes in stages and most of those stages get repeated several times in the grief cycle, and knowing that grief comes in lulls and waves, how long do you think it took you to get past the really hard part??  When did you realize it had happened?

How Food Affects Your Mood - Article

I read this in a recent newsletter I get from http://www.sparkpeopl.com/ on depression/dieting.  I thought I would sahre it here.


How Food Affects Your Mood


Although the foods you eat cannot treat depression, your diet does have significant effects on your mood, energy levels, mental health, and your ability to cope with stress. If you suffer from depression or seasonal affective disorder (SAD), certain dietary changes can help you get well when combined with a treatment program outlined by your health care provider.

Structure your meals. Eat at approximately the same times each day and don't skip meals. Enjoy three well-balanced meals and plan snacks between meals.

Eat quality nutrients. Try incorporating more whole foods, fruits and veggies, and healthy fats.

Consume plenty of calories. Eating less than 1,000 calories per day reduces the amount of serotonin in the brain, which increases symptoms of depression and its chances of recurring.

Go for omega-3s. These fatty acids can help with depression, by affecting cell signals in the brain. Foods rich in omega-3s include salmon, sardines, mackerel, soybeans, walnuts, ground flaxseed and more.

Cut back on caffeine. Caffeine acts as a stimulant, making you feel anxious and interfering with sleep patterns. Consume no more than 200- 300 milligrams daily.

Avoid alcohol and drugs. They interact with medications and addictive or abusive behaviors can prevent you from a full recovery.

Eat plenty of carbs. They increase the amount of serotonin in the brain, improving mood and decreasing symptoms of depression. Aim for at least 130 grams of carbohydrates from foods like whole grains, fruits and veggies each day.

Depression is difficult for anyone who lives with it. It can sap your motivation to care for yourself, eat well, and exercise--the very things that can help you feel better. While dietary changes alone aren't a surefire way to prevent or treat depression, they can help you feel better when combined with the treatment options that your health care provider recommends.

Exercise Improves Depression - Article

I read this in a newsletter for depression that I signed up for on http://www.sparkpeople.com/ and thought I would share it here.


Exercise Improves Depression



The idea that regular exercise can improve symptoms of depression and anxiety has been around for thousands of years. If you suffer from major depression, exercise probably won't be the only treatment you'll need, but it will help along with your treatment plan. Working out can enhance the benefits of antidepressant medications, and even produce similar results. But while medication and psychotherapy can take weeks to work, you can start feeling the positive effects of exercise right away.

Research shows that exercise:

Positively effects the same neurotransmitters that antidepressant medications target

Produces feel-good brain chemicals called "endorphins," which promote the sense of well-being and satisfaction

Releases tension in muscles that contributes to depression-related soreness and insomnia

Reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, relieving feelings of anxiety and agitation

Raises body temperature, which appears to have calming effects

Exercise can also promote the following psychological and emotional changes:

Distraction. Exercise compels you to focus on something besides your troubles for a little while, helping you find pleasure.

Confidence. By meeting a goal, like a small amount of exercise each day, you can begin to rebuild confidence and self-esteem.

Self-respect. Taking the time to do something positive to help yourself every day can help you reconnect with the part of you that wants to be healthy and productive.

Question of the Week

With the holidays approaching, many of us find them to be especially hard to celebrate.  Do you have any plans for including the memory of your dead baby (special candle lighting, ornaments, prayers) in the holidays?  Have you decided to start a tradition for "remebering" your child during the holidays?  Do you plan on purchasing gifts for your child, or in memory of your child?  What special plans, if any, do you have for the holidays that are based around the death of your child(ren)?

The DBC on Facebook

Are you on Facebook?  The DBC has a group page.  You can join it by clicking here.  Its still a young club, but its a nice place to start random discussions about your DB.  There is also a place to photo's, feel free to share yours.  Also feel free to post links to your blog or any website you like (relating to DBs), or even if you have a craft to share (like jewelry, name memorials, etc).

What Happens After You've Given Up?

I thought perhaps this post would work nicely here on TDBC blog, for those of you who don't follow my personal blog about Logan.  So, here is a repost.

This is part of a post I wrote today on my diet blog The Fatty Cakes Girls Club that I co-author with a skinny friend of mine. My posts have taken a different turn recently. I used to keep Logan and the "issues" I have with that tucked neatly, safely and mostly secretly tucked away here on my personal blog. But, reality is what it is. And my reality is trying, struggeling, and failing daily to get a handle on my weight loss and fitness in the face of depression and emotional eating. So, lately the two issues have crossed each other and I thought I would share a little of that here. Maybe this would be a more appropriate post for The Dead Baby Club Blog. But, here it is anyway.

What Happens After You've Given Up?

Seriously. What happens after you've given up? I need to find an article or something. But this is where I am. I've given up. I've tossed in the towel on pretty much everything around me. I hate who it makes me. I hate what I look like, how I feel. But I don't seem to know what to do now.

 joined a group on SparkPeople.com for depression. The thing is, it seems like a joke to me. I'm not sure how people really find hope or comfort in those things, but they must. I don't. I'm not "just" depressed. Its not some chemical impalance or something. I'm insanely sad, and for good reason. Most days I'm just numb. Numb is better than gut wrenching tears, or not. I haven't decided yet. For those of you who missed it, I had a stillborn son in January. It was unexpected, as I guess most of the time it is. Anyhow, I know that the crap that I'm neck deep in is all normal. If I went to a shrink they'd give me meds (which I'm not keen on) and tell me that its all part of grief and its normal. That I just have to weather the storm. So that's what I do. Everyday I tread water, metaphorically of course since treading water would make me loose weight and since that's not happening... But everyday I just survive. And I'm tired. I'm tired of having to work at it. IT being everything. I just don't have the energy, the will, whatever. Anyhow, this group...its been no help. They say things like, step 1) get up. 2) Brush your teeth and comb your hair 3) get dressed....uh hello? I know that its like that for a lot of people. And frankly if it wasn't for my daughter...I'd still be caught at step one. What I wouldn't give to just sleep through this mess. But seriously, reading on the internet that all you have to do is get up and "tah-dah" life will be better, its a farse. No duh. I know I need to get up, get presentable (pony-tail style, right Jules??), eat, stay alive. Its the things that I don't "have" to do. Like eat decent food, exercise, clean the house, maybe even shower... :) I wish it was that easy. Just do it. Just say it, and it will be so. But it's not. I've tried to fake it. I've "just done it" and nothing stuck. I do the bare minimum. Some days I get a spark, and on those days maybe I work out, or maybe I grocery shop, or clean. But those days are few and far between. It feels like it takes all the energy I have just to survive the day. To be a good mommy to my daughter, to be an acceptable (or at least not repulsive) wife to my dh. I don't have strength to be anything else, for anyone else. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you want to look at it, a tiny spot in my heart still desires for those things...on occasion, when that spot isn't being over run with the other crap.

I know this isn't really the "place" for that tangent, but I know that lots of people read this blog, and lots of people struggle with various forms of depression or other issues that make loosing weight seem impossible, and sometimes it is. The point is that other people have these struggles too. Not everyone wakes up one day and decides that "today is the day" and boom, everything falls into place and the weight just goes melting away. Weight loss is a hard battle faught by millions of people, a lot of whom are depressed or are emotional eaters. A lot of whom struggle with getting out of bed, much less on the elliptical. I guess the good thing is that even if I've given up, it's temporary. I'm still blogging. I lay my heart out bare and display my humiliation of 9 months of failed weight loss attempts for everyone to judge, and have opinions about. And maybe someday I'll be able to look back and marvel at how far I came. Maybe someone will read these posts and see how low I was, and then read how I succeeded and maybe they'll be inspired. Maybe that's what keeps me trudging on, even after I've given up.

So Fatty Cakes, what keeps you going when you've given up? What's the huge motivator that pushes you to keep trying even after years of failure and embarressment? Why are you here?

::: ::: :::

So, this is to all of you in DB land. Have any of you been trying to loose weight? I mean, we're all just like "normal" post-partum mums. We all needed to loose that baby fat. Luckily, or whatever, I didn't need to loose the "baby" weight so much as the fat butt I had prior too. I gained a mere 6lbs in the short 6 months I gestated Logan, which at the time they were congratulating, and only just begining to raise an eyebrow about. No, I don't feel like my lack of gain affected Logan's development. I'm about 40lbs overweight, so low gain was encouraged, and Logan's issue is genetic (DS). Anyhow, after Logan died I discovered for the first time that I am an emotional eater. The only comfort I could manage to find was in food and soda. Anything loaded with sugar. Anything that gave me that slight rush, even if only for a second. That caused me to add an additional 10lbs to my already fat butt. For the most part I've overcome the emotional eating thing (though I still struggle with finding comfort in a bottle of pop or a Mocha). I still have a lot of bad days, though I try to see it for what it is. But I can not for the life of me stick with a diet or exercise program to save my life. I keep thinking, why bother? Why make myself more miserable than I already am? And I just can't seem to talk myself into keeping at it. And sadly, it adds to the depression. Its like, I sit here and I know what the problem is, and I know how to fix it (because I lost 40lbs a few years ago when I put my mind to it) and yet, I just can't seem to get up. I feel like a boiled frog. I know what's happening, but I can't work up the strngth to do anything about it. And I HATE IT! I don't know this person!

Sadly I thought I was having a few good weeks. But what I am realizing now is that they're just weeks of voids. There is no comfort to be found anywhere in anything. And I've just gone numb. I don't care. I don't care that I'm drinking soda that a couple of months ago I convinced myself was poison. I don't care that I'm eating nasty, tasteless food from some joint because at least I didn't have to cook it, and now I don't have to clean it up. I don't care that my hair doesn't get brushed, or that I'm not showered. I don't care that I'm not working out, and only mildly care if I gain weight. Most days I'm just relieved not to have gianed any weight. I don't care that my house is a mess and that I don't have any clean clothes. The only thing I care about is trying to make David happy (or at least not adding to his depression) and making my daughter smile. Which frightens me because I never wanted a spoiled child, and she may well end up that way because I am so desperate to please her. Although, momma still knows what a time-out chair looks like.

So if you've lost weight, or kicked some other habit, how'd you get the umph after loosing your baby? Where'd you find the desire to give a crap? Even after figuring out that it was something you HAD to do, how did you ACTUALLY manage to get it done?

Question of the Week

Experts say that when you suffer through a trauma as awful as loosing a baby, that you shouldn't make any major life changes in the first year.  Having said that, did you make any major life changes in the first year after your baby died, and if so, do you think it was for the better or the worse?  How did it affect your grieving process?

Question of the Week

I would like to put together a list of things people can do for their friends or family members who have lost a baby.  What things were important to you that you would have liked others to have done when your baby(ies) died?  What did you wish they wouldn't have done?  Would you have preferred people have called or not?  Would you have liked people to ask about the details?  Would you have liked to have shared your pictures of your baby?  Nothing is off limits, so speak freely.