A Poem For Fathers

Happy Father's Day. Here is a poem I found for Father's who have lost a child. Often they are forgotten as they care for the mother and other children or hide their grief. But it's days like this that remind us, they lost a child too.

~~ A poem for Fathers ~~

It must be very difficult

To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

by Eileen Knight Hagemeister

Question: What Makes You Grateful

I would like to make this a writing project. Please take the below topic and write about it on your own blog. It's a way for us to connect and also for those who may be new to meet some people and get a different perspective. Comment here with a link to your post on your blog and please reference The DBC on your blog when posting. Feel free to also use the below graphic which you can simply save to your computer and place as a picture within your blog post. I hope you'll participate.

Gratitude. Since the loss of my child(ren) the one thing I am most grateful for is...? I know now that before my loss I took ... for granted? From now on I will make sure to recognize ... in my life and it's importance to me?

June's Feature: A New Blog

AJ has just recently started her blog, "Rainbow Making 101." She and her husband started TTC in March of 2010 and were pregnant by July. Unfortunately they lost their first child in August of 2010. Rainbow Making 101 is a story of their new journey to conceive their Rainbow Baby.

This is one definition of a Rainbow Baby, not sure who authored this, I found it on Babycenter.

Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.


AJ's blog gives a very detailed account of their struggle to conceive since the loss of their child. She shares her TTC Timeline on the right side of the blog and through her posts gives a very personal account of the ups and downs of testing, the dreaded 2WW, the emotional rollercoaster that is TTC and my favourite post of hers, "Rainbow Making A - Z."

Most of us know what a tumultous time TTC can be so please head over to AJ's blog and lend her some support.

If you are in the process of TTC and would like to share please leave a comment with your story or link to your blog.

New Directory: Blogs on TTC and Infertility After Loss

This is a blog directory of Mom's who are currently trying to conceive or struggling with infertility after a previous baby loss. Often times conceiving a child after the loss of another can be especially difficult, not just physically but there is an emotional toll on the families as well.

http://myangelsinheaven.blogspot.com/

http://lifewithoutbrenna.blogspot.com/

http://onceamother.blogspot.com/search/label/infertility

http://margaretsundone.blogspot.com/

http://fragments.louielovescrystal.com/

If you would like to submit a blog written by a dead baby momma simply add it in the comment section. Also, if there is a misprint, please accept my apologies and inform me ASAP!

PAIL Events

I would like to create an Event page for Pregnancy and Infant Loss events in any area. If you have an event in your area such as a Butterfly Release or Candle Lighting please email me or comment on this post. I will add it to the Event Page. As much information as you can provide is appreciated, a link to the website, address, time, date, activity, etc. Don't worry about where you live or if you feel it's "too local," as readers come here from all over the place.

lilyorange2@yahoo.ca

Question: How was your Mother's Day?

Mother's Day is one of the more difficult holidays for many baby loss mommies because it brings with it doubt, especially for women who have lost their only children (Am I still a mother?), and because it makes the void in one's heart and in one's lineup of living children all the more apparent.

Now that this bittersweet holiday has come and gone, can you share how it was for you?

• If this was your first Mother's Day after a loss, did it turn out as you expected?
• If this isn't your first, has it changed for you? Has it gotten any better?
• Did you do or receive anything that made this day special for you?
• Were you able to honor your baby/babies?
• Was there anything you wish someone had done for you?

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone out there. Whether you have a child in your arms or not you are still a Mother and I hope you take time to care for yourself and do something special FOR YOU tomorrow.

A Mother's Day Ode by Susan Mosquera

I am your mother, but you, my child, I cannot hold.
It'll get easier with time, or so I'm told.
People may forget that I am your mother.
I'm part of a secret club we only share with one another.
But that doesn't diminish my love for you.
I think of you the whole day through.
I wonder what you're doing, my Precious Little One.
We are connected by an infinite bond, which cannot come undone.
I will not let death tear us apart.
I promise to always keep you alive in my heart.

May's Feature - Unable to Conceive after Loss

Jan and her husband have lost three babies. They lost their first—a birth control surprise—at 9 1/2 weeks, on July 2, 2008. After being diagnosed with PCOS, Jan tried Clomid and found out she was pregnant again in August 2009. At 10 1/2 weeks, she learned that she was carrying twins, but had lost one of them. They hoped to bring the other baby home, but a few weeks later, the same ultrasound that showed they were having a girl also told them that she only had a 1% chance of survival because she didn't have any amniotic fluid left. On November 19, they learned that Carly Noel's heart had stopped beating.

In February 2010, just a few months after losing Carly, Jan developed a blood clot that spanned the length of her left leg. She had to be hospitalized and receive transfusions to treat and break it down. Because of her health, she cannot conceive again. She also cannot use surrogacy to have a biological child, because of the risks of blood clots and ovarian rupture.

On her blog, Angels in Heaven, Jan writes messages to her daughter, shares her feelings on not being able to have any more children of her own, and explores the challenges of not being a "real mommy" in others' eyes. Please stop by Jan's blog to read more of her story and give her some encouragement.

Also, if you have experience with being unable to conceive after losing your baby, or if you have any stories, websites, or blogs that relate—whether the inability to conceive it is due to health reasons, infertility, tubal ligation, or other reasons—please share them with us.

Another Holiday Minus

For those of us that celebrate Easter this is another occasion where we are missing a precious loved one. Another family event with someone sadly absent. I hope you are able to enjoy the Easter holiday even with the reminder that there should be another bunny hopping around hunting for eggs.
To continue with the theme of family and friend support here is a poem which I received from one of the bereavement groups I reached out to.

Dear Friends - written by Eloise Cole

Dear Friends,
If you were to ask me to measure the love I have
for any member of my family,
I would be hard pressed to answer.
Surely my love is higher than mountain tops
And deeper than the oceans
And broader than all the deserts in the world.
So too is my love for the baby who has died.

How can I be asked to pack away mementos and memories
and not speak his name?
He is and always will be a part of me.

No one can crate the depths of the ocean,
The breadth of the deserts,
Nor can my love be boxed and carried away.

Dear friends,
Please do not set limits on my grief.
Neither my love
Nor the depths of my sorrow can be measured.
I am unable to heal on a timetable set by another.
Weeks and months have no meaning
when set against the measure of my love.
Walk with me please, this difficult road of recovery,
I promise you I will heal,
When I have grieved enough for me.

Question: Reconciling

How supportive have your family and friends been since the loss of your child? How have you reconciled with those who you feel did not support you or did not remember the milestones, such as due dates, angelversary's, birthdays? What is one thing you would like them to know? For those struggling with family and friends you may want to read and/or share this