Experts say that when you suffer through a trauma as awful as loosing a baby, that you shouldn't make any major life changes in the first year. Having said that, did you make any major life changes in the first year after your baby died, and if so, do you think it was for the better or the worse? How did it affect your grieving process?
4 comments:
I had the urge to make major life changes, mainly to run from this new reality - to sell this house, to move, to start fresh elsewhere. It just hurt so much to do anything in the same manner as we did it before. I didn't run, I didn't sell, I didn't move. In the end, the only major life change I ACTUALLY made was to not return to work. I wasn't ready, I would be of no use to anyone. I think, honestly, it has been good for me, to take this time to grieve through the trauma of Peyton's life, diagnosis, and death. Without the freedom to be real with what I am going through, I don't know how I could have made it.
It will only be 6 mos. for me next week, but like Once a Mother, at first I wanted to RUN. Away from this house, their room, my family, friends, even my son. Now you couldn't pay me to leave this house (well, everyone does have a price, but Im sure there's no-one who would give that much to me ;). I know I cannot handle any more on my plate, physically or emotionally right now. I'm barely getting through everyday life, but at least some days are better than others. And once in a while, one is even good.
I did run in that first year. We quit our jobs, sold up our house and moved to the other end of the country. I think we were trying to run away from our grief - the idea that space between us and the memories/reminders would help. It didn't. We pretended that we were getting on with life, but in reality we had the big elephant in the room. Our relationship broke up and eventually we both, separately, dealt with our grief. I seriously wouldn't recommend doing what we did. We left behind not only the memories but also our support network. I think running slowed down the grief process - I seemed to get 'stuck'. If I was ever in the awful situation of losing my baby again I wouldn't run - I'd embrace the people closest to me and confront my feelings.
Oy. I have too many life changes coming at me right now and there's no stopping them. I pray it all comes out alright. It's all in God's capable Hands....
Post a Comment