A resource blog for those who've suffered through any type of baby loss, and for those who want to try to "get it".
About this blog
The intent of this blog is to form an interactive community where parents of dead babies can come together and swap information, stories, tears, memories and encouragement. This is designed to be a neutral place. We are not religious nor are we anti-religious. Come as you are. You can sign the guest book, add your baby(ies) to the baby name memory list, review books on infant death, add warnings about movies and books that contain a dead baby, add your blog to our directory or a number of other things. Don't hesitate to contact us if you have any questions or would like to see something added to this blog. Rule One: be kind to each other. We're all in this together. We all suffer and miss our babies madly.
What's New?
If you are new to blogging and would like to be featured please let us know! Looking for parents who are new to this community and are looking for some peer support.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Question
After your own baby died, did you experience the loss of a friend or family member's baby? How did you react or feel? What did you say or do for that person after their loss?
A friend of mine had her 2nd miscarriage of 4 pregnancies, over the weekend. I felt so helpless listening to her cry over the phone and ask questions and trying to figure it all out. HELPLESS. And once again reaffirming to me just how delicate this baby making thing really is. I couldn't say much other than that I was sorry. Even after understanding the magnitude of a baby loss, I had nothing I could say to her. I couldn't fix it. It reminded me of the pain I had in those early days. The guilt, the questions, the uncontrolllable tears and sorrow. It left me feeling very raw, sad and icky inside and has kept me awake at night. I should know what to say and do, I've been there. But I don't. The best I came up with was food. I guess for me, in the early days, all I wanted was to be left alone and not have to worry about cooking. So, I took her food. That's all I had to offer.
Yes, two as a matter of fact. They where both in the same dept I worked at. One girl lost her baby to IC and the other the baby had a heart problem. I was absolutely devastated like somehow my situation caused this, now I know it was crazy to think that. They both just happened so close to my son's death. There wasn't to much to say to these poor women except that I was sorry because both of them refused to talk about it.
The baby of my cousin and his girlfriend passed away. I sent them a card since I am not that close. I didn't want to be all over them. And, I sent my aunt an angel holding a baby figurine. I know how much she wants to be a grandmother. Neither of them said anything.
I also had a friend who had a loss in August. I was caught off guard. I wanted to hug her and hold her and try to take the pain that I know she was going thru away. I extended my ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on. We since have met and talked on the phone and via e-mail. It is all we can do.
I haven't experienced a personal friend's loss, but I have a friend who repeatedly tells me of all the ppl who have lost a pregnancy/baby at various stages. just about every time we talk. Im not sure what her MO is, if she's trying to let me know Im not alone, if she's trying to make less of what happened to us, if sh'e trying to et me to talk...I just dont know. But what I do know is there are way too many of us, and it really sucks.
5 comments:
A friend of mine had her 2nd miscarriage of 4 pregnancies, over the weekend. I felt so helpless listening to her cry over the phone and ask questions and trying to figure it all out. HELPLESS. And once again reaffirming to me just how delicate this baby making thing really is. I couldn't say much other than that I was sorry. Even after understanding the magnitude of a baby loss, I had nothing I could say to her. I couldn't fix it. It reminded me of the pain I had in those early days. The guilt, the questions, the uncontrolllable tears and sorrow. It left me feeling very raw, sad and icky inside and has kept me awake at night. I should know what to say and do, I've been there. But I don't. The best I came up with was food. I guess for me, in the early days, all I wanted was to be left alone and not have to worry about cooking. So, I took her food. That's all I had to offer.
Yes, two as a matter of fact. They where both in the same dept I worked at. One girl lost her baby to IC and the other the baby had a heart problem. I was absolutely devastated like somehow my situation caused this, now I know it was crazy to think that. They both just happened so close to my son's death. There wasn't to much to say to these poor women except that I was sorry because both of them refused to talk about it.
My cousin recently had a miscarriage and I've made sure to check in our her. I sent her a card. I let her know I'm still thinking of her.
The baby of my cousin and his girlfriend passed away. I sent them a card since I am not that close. I didn't want to be all over them. And, I sent my aunt an angel holding a baby figurine. I know how much she wants to be a grandmother. Neither of them said anything.
I also had a friend who had a loss in August. I was caught off guard. I wanted to hug her and hold her and try to take the pain that I know she was going thru away. I extended my ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on. We since have met and talked on the phone and via e-mail. It is all we can do.
I haven't experienced a personal friend's loss, but I have a friend who repeatedly tells me of all the ppl who have lost a pregnancy/baby at various stages. just about every time we talk. Im not sure what her MO is, if she's trying to let me know Im not alone, if she's trying to make less of what happened to us, if sh'e trying to et me to talk...I just dont know. But what I do know is there are way too many of us, and it really sucks.
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