How high of a price are you willing to pay?

In a recent blog post, on the subject of TTC post dead baby, I asked "How high of a price are you willing to pay? How many dead babies can you suffer? In the end, is all of the anxiety worth it? Have you had another child post dead baby? What did you do if you and your spouse were on separate pages?"  What are your thoughts?

 

View the original post here. 

Updates

Wow, over 100 pageviews today and over 120 yesterday!!  Thank you for visiting and for inspiring me to start updating.

I'll be updating the resources we link to here so if you have anything you'd like to see or any sites you'd like to share please comment.

4 comments on the last post but 44 pageviews, c'mon!!  Don't be shy.  We would love to hear about your babies and anything that you have found helpful/healing on this journey.

Question: Mementos

What is your favourite keepsake?  Who gave it to you?  Why is it so memorable?

What is the one item, other than your child obviously, that you wish you had kept or received?

Question: Regrets

We all have things we wish we didn't do or that we did do or that we did differently. There's nothing like hindsight to make you feel guilty. For babyloss families, I think these regrets can become consuming because we don't get the chance to even try to make up for it. Our babies died, and we just can't undo it.

For me, at least, the guilt and regrets were something I felt I needed to hang onto for a long time. I felt like I needed to carry the pain and grief in order to honor my babies, especially Calvin. Giving voice to my regrets and admitting to them feels like a step towards healing. I am still learning that it's okay to be happy, that it's okay to forgive myself and accept that I did my best at the time, and to let peace in.

We all find our own paths in this grief journey, but maybe sharing about your regrets can be helpful, too--for you and for others. It's always less lonely when you know someone else feels the same.

• What do you regret most about the events surrounding your loss?
• If you were able to move past this regret, how did you let it go?
• If you're in the process of letting it go, how are you working on this?
• If you're still holding onto it, why can't you let this regret go?

Question: What Makes You Grateful

I would like to make this a writing project. Please take the below topic and write about it on your own blog. It's a way for us to connect and also for those who may be new to meet some people and get a different perspective. Comment here with a link to your post on your blog and please reference The DBC on your blog when posting. Feel free to also use the below graphic which you can simply save to your computer and place as a picture within your blog post. I hope you'll participate.

Gratitude. Since the loss of my child(ren) the one thing I am most grateful for is...? I know now that before my loss I took ... for granted? From now on I will make sure to recognize ... in my life and it's importance to me?

Question: How was your Mother's Day?

Mother's Day is one of the more difficult holidays for many baby loss mommies because it brings with it doubt, especially for women who have lost their only children (Am I still a mother?), and because it makes the void in one's heart and in one's lineup of living children all the more apparent.

Now that this bittersweet holiday has come and gone, can you share how it was for you?

• If this was your first Mother's Day after a loss, did it turn out as you expected?
• If this isn't your first, has it changed for you? Has it gotten any better?
• Did you do or receive anything that made this day special for you?
• Were you able to honor your baby/babies?
• Was there anything you wish someone had done for you?

Question: Reconciling

How supportive have your family and friends been since the loss of your child? How have you reconciled with those who you feel did not support you or did not remember the milestones, such as due dates, angelversary's, birthdays? What is one thing you would like them to know? For those struggling with family and friends you may want to read and/or share this

Question: Memory Boxes

I am creating some memory boxes to donate to the hospital in memory of my son's one year Angelversary.

Has anyone else put together boxes to donate or give to BLM friends? What sort of items did you include? Did you receive one from the hospital or a bereavement group after your loss? What was included in it and what did you appreciate the most?

Happy Valentine's Day - Question

Did you do anything special today for your little one? Do you and your partner still try to make it romantic? Or is it just another day?

Happy New Year

How did you spend the New Year? Did you do anything special for your little one? How are you feeling about 2011? Optimistic or just another day?

To be quite honest I've run out of topics for the blog of the month so if you have some ideas please share!!

Question - Sibling Loss

How did you tell your living children about the loss of their sibling? How much information do you give based on their age? Did you use any books to help explain?
If you are planning on having future children how will you tell them about the sibling that came before them?
Have you written about this on your own blog or is there another blog or internet resource you found most helpful?

Question - October 15th

October 15th is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.


What are you doing, or going to be a part of, to memorialize the life of your darling child(ren)?



If you are looking for an event, check this site.  Don't see your area, and have something planned?  Let us know here by leaving a comment, and also submit your event here so others may know and remember with you.

-Amanda

**I am not affiliated with the October 15th site linked above.  I have bought items from Robyn, and we've emailed a few times as fellow BLMs.  

Question

Someone on FB recently asked me how loosing my son affected my marraige. I thought that I would post that question here for all of you to answer. You can answer in the comment section, or on your own blog (just be sure to comment here with a link to your answer).


How has the death of your child affected your marraige/relationship?

Question

Upon visiting my son's memorial tree this evening I was surprised to see that some random stranger had planted flowers at the base of his tree. You can see that story here.

Have you experienced a random stranger honoring your child, and if so, in what way?

Question

How has the devestation surrounding your babyloss affected your relationship with your parents?

Question

After your own baby died, did you experience the loss of a friend or family member's baby? How did you react or feel? What did you say or do for that person after their loss?

Question of the week

Merry Christmas, or have a happy holiday no matter which one you celebrate this time of year.  But being that today is in fact Christmas Day, how was your holiday with out your little one?  Feel free to share your tearful moments, your hopes for next year, how you thought this day would go...and then how it really did, or any happy moments or speckles of peace you found today.

Question of the week

Do you have any family traditions that you are planning on incorporating your childs memory into during the holidays?  Do you have anything special planned in rememberance of your little one?

Question of the week

With the gift giving holidays fast approaching, have you decided to purchase a gift for, or in rememberance of, your little one?  If so, what is it and what are your plans for it?

Question of the week

Knowing that grief comes in stages and most of those stages get repeated several times in the grief cycle, and knowing that grief comes in lulls and waves, how long do you think it took you to get past the really hard part??  When did you realize it had happened?