A resource blog for those who've suffered through any type of baby loss, and for those who want to try to "get it".
About this blog
The intent of this blog is to form an interactive community where parents of dead babies can come together and swap information, stories, tears, memories and encouragement. This is designed to be a neutral place. We are not religious nor are we anti-religious. Come as you are. You can sign the guest book, add your baby(ies) to the baby name memory list, review books on infant death, add warnings about movies and books that contain a dead baby, add your blog to our directory or a number of other things. Don't hesitate to contact us if you have any questions or would like to see something added to this blog. Rule One: be kind to each other. We're all in this together. We all suffer and miss our babies madly.
What's New?
If you are new to blogging and would like to be featured please let us know! Looking for parents who are new to this community and are looking for some peer support.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Question
How has the devestation surrounding your babyloss affected your relationship with your parents?
Oh, this is a landmine. Something I've wanted to talk about a billion time on my blog, except my mom reads it!
My relationship with my mom has definitely chilled since Leila died. She is a a lover of all things drama. I just don't desire the attention for myself or have the energy to give it to her anymore. My dad, well, things there are status quo. He's rather emotionally distant on a good day, which is just fine with me right now.
One note: my mother asked me to buy her a Christmas ornament with all the grandkids' names on it. I did, and included Leila. I'm hanging on to it until I see her face-to-face (they live 450 miles away), and we shall see how that goes. It will probably be a defining moment for us.
Let me know when we can talk about our sibs - my sister hasn't spoken to me since August!
Good question. My relationship with my parents is almost non-existant. I am on speaking terms with my mother, just. I don't talk to my dad. I havent' spoken to one of my sisters in over a year.
My daughter's death highlighted an already existant problem in my family. Since her death I no longer have the energy or inclination to deal with the constant stress they put on me. They haven't respectd our grief at all and in reality they don't even know us. I got more compassion from perfect strangers and that bites.
Right now I am okay with how things are. Life is full on, but calmer. My husband and I are putting ourselves first for a change. We think we've earned that right.
i haven't heard from my mom and dad since i fell pregnant using ivf and a donor sperm. since then i had "harvey" he was born with a neurodegenerative disorder and died 2 months ago at age 13 months one day and 2 and a half hours old. still haven't heard from my parents...... xxx anne
My mom is also a lover of drama, like Emily's-mostly she has moved on and doesn't talk about Katy, which is fine, but I too don't have much energy to deal with her and her complaints are even more pointless to me now than they used to be. I'm the one who distances myself.
My MIL is a bit different---she asked my 4 year old the other day what he knew about death (he said something to the effect that if he did that he might die) and she seriously thought he would answer "nothing" Instead he gave her this look like "duh" I have a dead sister....I think she remembered then about her granddaughter that is no longer here because she tried to back out of the conversation fast. I really think she feels like if she has forgotten, we should have forgotten too.
My dad, well status quo too, always distant, nothing new there.
Ditto on the sibling post my sis and I have a different relationship now.
My parents don't even know. They are so awful to me about getting pregnant with my older children before marriage I can't deal with their drama on top of an already awful situation.
My relationship with my parents remains a good one. My MIL on the other hand...she has managed to turn her grief into MORE than my husbands and mine. She makes my husband feel guilty, and he gives her more than he should in his time of grief. SHE should be there for HIM, not the other way around.
I'm ready to wash my hands of her, before I say something mean.
But my darling hubby still feels a responsibility to her.
8 comments:
Oh, this is a landmine. Something I've wanted to talk about a billion time on my blog, except my mom reads it!
My relationship with my mom has definitely chilled since Leila died. She is a a lover of all things drama. I just don't desire the attention for myself or have the energy to give it to her anymore. My dad, well, things there are status quo. He's rather emotionally distant on a good day, which is just fine with me right now.
One note: my mother asked me to buy her a Christmas ornament with all the grandkids' names on it. I did, and included Leila. I'm hanging on to it until I see her face-to-face (they live 450 miles away), and we shall see how that goes. It will probably be a defining moment for us.
Let me know when we can talk about our sibs - my sister hasn't spoken to me since August!
Good question. My relationship with my parents is almost non-existant. I am on speaking terms with my mother, just. I don't talk to my dad. I havent' spoken to one of my sisters in over a year.
My daughter's death highlighted an already existant problem in my family. Since her death I no longer have the energy or inclination to deal with the constant stress they put on me. They haven't respectd our grief at all and in reality they don't even know us. I got more compassion from perfect strangers and that bites.
Right now I am okay with how things are. Life is full on, but calmer. My husband and I are putting ourselves first for a change. We think we've earned that right.
Sophie
xx
Our relationship really hasn't changed. I'd say it's the same.
i haven't heard from my mom and dad since i fell pregnant using ivf and a donor sperm. since then i had "harvey" he was born with a neurodegenerative disorder and died 2 months ago at age 13 months one day and 2 and a half hours old. still haven't heard from my parents...... xxx anne
I am sorry to all of the mothers and families for your loss of your precious little one.
I wanted to invite you all to add your blogs to Forever Playing With Angels ~ Layla Grace so that we can all lift up your family in prayer.
http://www.playingwithangels.com/2010/03/little-ones-to-him-belong.html
My mom is also a lover of drama, like Emily's-mostly she has moved on and doesn't talk about Katy, which is fine, but I too don't have much energy to deal with her and her complaints are even more pointless to me now than they used to be. I'm the one who distances myself.
My MIL is a bit different---she asked my 4 year old the other day what he knew about death (he said something to the effect that if he did that he might die) and she seriously thought he would answer "nothing" Instead he gave her this look like "duh" I have a dead sister....I think she remembered then about her granddaughter that is no longer here because she tried to back out of the conversation fast. I really think she feels like if she has forgotten, we should have forgotten too.
My dad, well status quo too, always distant, nothing new there.
Ditto on the sibling post my sis and I have a different relationship now.
My parents don't even know. They are so awful to me about getting pregnant with my older children before marriage I can't deal with their drama on top of an already awful situation.
My relationship with my parents remains a good one.
My MIL on the other hand...she has managed to turn her grief into MORE than my husbands and mine. She makes my husband feel guilty, and he gives her more than he should in his time of grief. SHE should be there for HIM, not the other way around.
I'm ready to wash my hands of her, before I say something mean.
But my darling hubby still feels a responsibility to her.
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