How did you tell your living children about the loss of their sibling? How much information do you give based on their age? Did you use any books to help explain?
If you are planning on having future children how will you tell them about the sibling that came before them?
Have you written about this on your own blog or is there another blog or internet resource you found most helpful?
3 comments:
My daughter was only 11 months old when we found out Carleigh wouldn't live so we really couldn't explain much to her. My stepdaughter, however, was 8 yrs old at the time (now 10). In a nutshell, we told her that her head didn't grow right and because of that when she was born she wouldn't live. Later when she asked me more about it I told her honestly what was wrong.
I def plan on letting our daughter (who is due any day now!) know about her sister. My other daughter is now 2 1/2 yrs old and she def knows who Carleigh is.
My daughter was 2yo when we lost Payton at 36 weeks in January. Three days later my daughter lifted up my shirt and asked "where mommy baby go?". The correct answer was to tell her Payton died, but I couldn't say those words to a 2yo. I told her Payton was in Heaven with Jesus. She then found her children's Bible, pointed to Jesus, and said, "sister [with] Jes".
We include our daughter in ways to remember Payton. She released balloons with us at 6 months. We told her we were sending balloons to say hi to Payton. She will participate in a Walk to Remember. Even now she randomly mentions “Baby Pay”. At first it was extremely difficult but it has gotten easier. When she mentions Payton we listen and remind her baby Payton is in Heaven with Jesus. I do write about my daughter’s response to Payton in my blog. Years from now I hope she will feel a connection to Payton.
We have the book, “We Were Going To Have A Baby, But We Had An Angel Instead”, but haven’t introduced it yet for fear it would confuse her more. Eventually, we will.
If we have any other children we will absolutely include them in remembering Payton.
Aubrey was 3 days shy of a year old when Logan was stillborn. She didn't have a clue. She is now a little over 2 1/2 years old and I'm trying to make Logan a fact of our life. She wouldn't "get" any big sit down at this age. So when we go to the park where his tree is planted I tell her that's Logan's Tree. I tell her that Logan is her brother (though she doesn't know what that is either). When she see's Logan's Bear I tell her that it's' Logan's Bear. I also have a retouched photo that cycles through my slideshow on my PC. I tell her that the baby is Logan, Logan was Momma's baby and leave it at that. She's never asked where he went. I know there will come a time and I guess I will try to just be honest about what happened. I don't know if I could make it through a book like the one mentioned above with out freaking out myself (but I'm certainly going to go find it). We'll do the same thing with any future children. I feel like if they just grow up with it being a fact that's upfront, it won't end up feeling like some big bad secret later on in life. I'd love to hear if there are any more resources, sites, books on this subject.
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