Celebrating Pregnancy Again - a Book

Celebrating Pregnancy Again - a Book

This is a link to a new book about pregnancy after a loss.  The book is about her personal journey.  It is available for the Kindle free until tomorrow (Feb 13th) otherwise it is $3.  It is also available in paperback through Amazon for $8, and for PDF download for $3.  I haven't read it yet, but I did download it.  Thought I'd share it.

Christmas and into the New Year

  Christmas can be a very hard time to be missing your little one.  I hope that you made it through this holiday with some kind of peace and going in to the new year you will be able to lift up your head, take a deep breath and step forward.
  Don't let anyone tell you how you should or should not grieve,  do what works for you and much love to you.

Safe Blogging

This is part one of a series I am working on regarding navigating social media after baby loss.  In lieu of some recent disturbing events I thought the first post should be on internet safety.  It may seem a little disjointed to do the safety one first and then do "how to's" later but for me, being safe online and keeping my kids safe online is the first consideration to make when deciding to blog or jump into FB or any other media.

We all want to make a meaningful connection after losing a child.  For some of us, including myself, online friendships are sometimes the only way to keep your child's memory alive.  The sisters you make online are the ones that remember special dates, cry with you, share with you, heal with you.  I have said time and time again that I am indebted to all of the women who reached out to me after I lost Blaine.  Who shared their children with me and who said to me "your son matters."  So, how do we open ourselves up to the gifts while keeping ourselves safe from the harm?

What are some things you need to be aware of and concerned about when sharing your life and story online?  

Identity theft: how many times have we come across a woman pretending to have lost a child?  They steal photos, stories, and any details they can to make it their own and pretend to be someone their not.

Online predators:  A mom on a FB group said that she checked her blogger stats and was getting traffic from an adult site.  Another said that she looked at the terms used to search her blog and it included adult content.  What is disturbing is that they were searching for something related to child porn and somehow the search engine gave her blog as a suggested site.  I was on a message board once and this mom used to share tons of pics of her daughter and also lots of personal information.  I didn't even live in the same Province as her but I was able to figure out where they lived.  Scary!

Trolls:  I swear some people have nothing to do but search for things they disagree with and then start arguments about it!  I find it best to ignore ignore ignore.  If you feed the troll it will keep coming back.  They are usually harmless and are just looking for attention.  Delete them, disregard them and they will go on to the next site.

Here are some tips I've gathered from various sites which can help you to keep yourself and your family safe.  Please feel free to comment with any tips of your own or any experiences you've had.  Happy and safe connecting! 

Disable right click:

You need the HTML code, one can be found here.  You go to "Add a Page Element" on Blogger and paste in the code.  The code says "function disabled" but you can change that to your own message like "hands off!"   This is not foolproof as people can still do a screen shot and take a screen capture if they want.  I have not tested this.

Watermarking: 

This is good if you want to copyright something but it doesn't do anything to keep people from just stealing the photo.  Here is a youtube video on how to watermark.  Again, I have not tested this.

Change security settings:

Go to your settings on blogger.  From there you can change who can comment, enable comment moderation, and change whether or not your blog is "searchable."  

General tips

Keep in mind that whatever is public on the internet is really really public.  Anyone can see it.  Do you want everyone in the world to know that you and your child are going to be at Walmart Tuesday at 2:30pm?  
Keeping yourself and your family safe is the number one priority.  

How high of a price are you willing to pay?

In a recent blog post, on the subject of TTC post dead baby, I asked "How high of a price are you willing to pay? How many dead babies can you suffer? In the end, is all of the anxiety worth it? Have you had another child post dead baby? What did you do if you and your spouse were on separate pages?"  What are your thoughts?

 

View the original post here. 

Updates

Wow, over 100 pageviews today and over 120 yesterday!!  Thank you for visiting and for inspiring me to start updating.

I'll be updating the resources we link to here so if you have anything you'd like to see or any sites you'd like to share please comment.

4 comments on the last post but 44 pageviews, c'mon!!  Don't be shy.  We would love to hear about your babies and anything that you have found helpful/healing on this journey.

New Here?

Every so often I check the stats on blogger to see how many people are reading, what they're reading, where they're from.  I click on their link and I usually end up at a blog or two that I've never seen before.  I lost my son in April 2010 and started blogging the June after.  I don't think I've actively searched for blogs in a year or more.  So, I'd like to open the comments up to anyone who would like to share their blog with us.  Are you new to blogger?  New to this community?  I am so sorry you're here.  But I'm glad you've found the support.

Please feel free to comment with any information you'd like to share about your baby.

Urn Resources

According to Google stats we get a lot of traffic from people searching for baby urns/memorial products.  Here is our previous post and I thought I'd do a bit of searching and find some other websites/sources as well.  I have personally only bought from In The Light Urns.  I bought a cremain pendant to hold my son's cremains.  The urn arrived in a timely manner, was moderately priced, was easy to fill and seal, is exactly what was shown in the photo online and has held up to almost two years of wear.  Here are some other sites I've come across but have not used so you will want to make sure they are right for you.  Shop around.  This is a huge decision.  For many of us we will buy one and it will be a permanent resting place for our child's remains.  

http://www.evrmemories.com/baby-cremation-urns-s/320.htm

http://decorative-urns.com/types-of-urns/child-urns

http://www.memorials.com/infant-children-urns.php

If you have purchased any memorial products or urns what tips would you give?  Where did you purchase?

To Hubby on Father's Day

Thank you thank you thank you.  Thank you for holding me up and being my rock.  Thank for for listening to me rant and be irrational and emotional and let's face it, a little crazy.  Thank you for holding me while I cry and making me laugh.  Thank you for being my partner and my friend on this incredibly sad and bittersweet journey we call parenting.  Thank you for being a Daddy to our children.  


I wish I had a photo to insert here of my hubby holding our little boy Blaine but sadly I have none.  Do you?  What is your favourite memory or photo of your baby Daddy and baby?

Lil Angels Hankie

I just got this...blogged about it here...http://wavesoverstones.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-just-got-this-in-mail-today-totally.html

Mother's Day

How do you celebrate a day for mothers when your baby is not with you. Mothers day can be such a painful day for those who's children have died. It's yet another day that reminds us that our sweet son or daughter is not here.
  We don't get a gift from daddy with a card saying the baby just had to buy it for us, or paper flowers made at school with such love and care, or even a bratty teenager mumbling insincere mothers day wishes as they dart out the door. For mothers day we watch all the "real" mothers around us get recognized and appreciated while we're left on the sidelines wanting to scream "BUT I'M A MOTHER TOO!!!!". Just because our babies cannot be seen does not mean that our motherhood is not real or should be overlooked.
  We carried a life within our bodies, no matter how short that life was, our child was a part of us and will be forever. We don't get up every morning and look into our children's eyes, we get up every morning and deal with the fact that they are gone.
  This mothers day, if you are a mother who holds their child in their heart instead of their arms, do something for yourself. Chose a flower that represents your child and wear it in your hair. Buy a piece of jewelry that you find special. Have a quiet day to yourself or a picnic with others to celebrate that you ARE a mother! And you deserve special recognition on this day.

Resource for Friends

Came across this on FB and thought I'd share

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.corasstory.org%2F2012%2F02%2Ffree-ebook-when-friends-baby-dies.html&h=2AQH8_9QqAQFAT8HDgii71TFNBnqNHrVlacqVXEZ20ZQ0zg

Happy Valentine's Day

Just thought I'd share...Happy Valentine's to all

http://www.healingheart.net/poetry/precious_child.html

My Precious Child

Life without you isn't the same.
Others seem to forget your name.
The pain at times is so real,
So intense.
I wish I could always feel your presence.
You are my child,
And will always be.
Your light will shine
If only through me.
Life goes on--although you are gone.
Old friends are different--and new ones
Help Mommy move on.
I wish everyone could see--
You that lives on in me.
You are my child,
And will always be.
Your light will shine
If only through me.

Written and shared by Kathy Evans
in loving memory of her son Sean.

Coming Up

Sorry, I have been out of it lately.  I took a well needed break from blogger.  Some stuff is coming up though, including a GIVEAWAY!  Stay tuned!!

New Years for Bereaved Parents

I came across this and wanted to share...  source = http://www.irisremembers.com/poemsandstories/viewPoem.cfm?poemID=143

Holiday Remembrance

Do your families do something during the holidays to remember your loved one?  If not, what would the ideal be?  What would you say to them if you could?

For me, I would tell them that I want Blaine remembered.  I want an ornament on their tree.  I want them to light a candle.  I want them to not be afraid to mention him.  It's that simple.  Just remember that he was here.  And that he mattered.

Approaching Gloom or Joy?

Whether you celebrate religiously or not, Christmas can be a tough time after the loss of a loved one, especially a child.  All of the expectations you had of the season; the family events you attend, minus one; questions from insensitive people or people who don't know about your loss; wanting to escape or be alone.  Many of us deal with one or all of these issues.  Here are some tips I found on various sites.  Feel free to comment with your own tips.

http://www.opentohope.com/?post=surviving-the-holidays

http://sids-network.org/survhol.htm

www.griefshare.org/holidays

Handmade Holiday Gift Exchange!

Penpals

I often get emails from moms looking to make personal connections with other moms who have been in the same situation.  I'd like to start up a penpal program so that I have appropriate people to refer these emails to (Dad's included!).  I am looking for people who fit in the following categories:

a relative or friend of someone who has lost a child but has not lost someone themselves
carrying to term
twin or other multiple loss where one or more survived
someone who has living children
medical termination

Also, I don't want to offend anyone but when I lost my son it was very important to me, as a Christian who does not go to church, to find another Christian to talk to.  While the DBC is not a religious source if you are religious please also let me know (if you're comfortable). 
If you would like to participate please understand that this is a commitment.  The worst thing is to email your penpal and feel like they're too busy for you.  Please email me if you are interested, especially if you are a man, we have one man so far but it would be nice to have some more.  lilyorange2@yahoo.ca

October 15th Wave of Light

I was, unfortunately, unable to participate in the Int'l Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day on October 15th.  How did all of you commemorate the day?  A lot of my online BLM friends wrote on my FB wall or sent me pics of candles that were lit for Blaine or sent me a note or email letting me know they thought of him.  Here is one...

Baby Dust by Deanna Roy - Review and Giveaway

Since you are all going to scroll down anyway I'll just announce the winner first!  First to let you know how I picked.  I found a website where you put names in a virtual hat and they assign the names.  So, I put everyone's names in the hat, as well as my own, and it assigned the name to me.  That's the person who won the giveaway.  drum roll...  Sarita Boyette!  Please email me your address so I can snail mail you the book.  lilyorange2@yahoo.ca

I was super eager to read this book.  I remember when I lost my son Blaine going to the local library and trying to find anything I could.  They had a total of four books on miscarriage or pregnancy loss.  They were all either medical books or really old.  None of them dealt with the emotions or changes I would go through as I lived through the loss of my child.  "Baby Dust" is a fictional account of 5 woman and their loss.  I say fictional because it is a novel however, it is a unique novel in that Deanna has taken real life stories and compiled them to make these characters.  Whether fictional or not, so much of it rang true for me.  I could see myself in each of the characters but the one I feel I related to the most was Melinda.  The guilt she felt, the hallucinations, the attempts to "look normal," her hesitation to join the group of women and talk about her loss, I remember all of that. 
I really enjoyed the book and as I said there was a little of each story that I could relate to and see myself and my son in.  My only critisizm would be that each story ends with a sense of hope.  The entire book is such a realistic representation of women and loss and yet I felt this was unrealistic.  Yes, it's a novel and obviously a mother reading this, especially one who may be early in her grief, wants to believe that life will get better and easier.  However, we all know that for some that isn't true.  Life only gets harder and sometimes there is no hope.  I would have liked to have seen one of the stories end in that way.  That is just my opinion though.  I would definitely recommend everyone read this book.  It is also a great gift to give someone you may know who is dealing with a new loss or struggling to find resources. 
I want to thank Deanna for allowing us to review the book and for graciously donating a copy of it for giveaway.  I hope it is a huge success and am really hoping she does a follow up novel! 

"Baby Dust" was dedicated by Deanna "For My (her) Angel Babies... Casey Shay December 1997 to April 1998 gestation, Daniel June 2001 to July 2001 gestation and Emma Hope August 2001 to October 2001 gestation."