Baby and Infant Urns

According to Blogger Stats, one of the main reasons people find this blog is because they are searching for baby or infant urns.  Incredibly sad.  I always say, I hate that you have to be here but I'm glad you are.  I decided to do a post on different sites that offer cremain products and some creative ones that I've found.  Please feel free in the comment section to add your own choices.  Here is a link to our original post on baby urns.

Choosing a cremation product for your child is one of the hardest and most important things you will ever do as a bereaved parent.  For most of us it will be the final resting place for our children's ashes.  There are so many things to think of.  You want something that will reflect your personality, your family and what the child meant to you.  Maybe you want to include something that reminds you of your child such as butterflies or rainbows or a cartoon character.  Most manufacturers of cremain products understand this and so have huge varieties to offer.  You also want to look at how well the product will stand up over time.  The quality of the product.  Do you want something to bury or keep at home?  For me personally I could not stand the thought of being away from my son's ashes.  When I first brought him home I slept with the box.  I had the idea to just carry them around in my purse but that didn't seem right.  I decided on a pendant urn.  A pendant urn is a necklace.  You fill it with the cremains and then seal it and you wear it.  Here is a photo of the one I purchased...

It was purchased from a website, "In the Light Urns."
For some, unfortunately, price is an issue.  It was for me.  I had to find something I loved for under $200.  Almost all manufacturers offer many inexpensive choices.  If price is not an issue you can purchase customized urns as well, in almost any imaginable design or material. 

Here are some sites I have come across, some may be duplicated from our original post...

http://www.tootallspottery.com/Products/Urns/Urns1.html
http://www.inthelighturns.com/
http://www.urns.net/Infant-Urns-information.php
http://www.everlifememorials.com/v/urns/infant-urns.htm
http://www.evrmemories.com/infant-cremation-urns-s/316.htm

Question: Mementos

What is your favourite keepsake?  Who gave it to you?  Why is it so memorable?

What is the one item, other than your child obviously, that you wish you had kept or received?

September's Feature: Mikayla's Grace

Baby girl Mikayla Grace lived a brief 36 hours on this earth. From that short and beautiful life Mikayla's Grace was inspired.

From their website:

Mikayla's Grace Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit to support families with a baby in the NICU and those who experience the death of an infant at Madison Area hospitals by providing NICU care packages and angel memory boxes that offer both practical and emotional support for the parents. Our first donation was to St. Mary's Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin where our daughter Mikayla was born. In memory of Mikayla's first Heavenly birthday on June 24, 2011 we donated 12 Angel memory boxes, 20 NICU care packages, 66 books, and 28 gowns with matching booties and hats. We are currently working on our goal to donate another 20 angel memory boxes and 20 NICU care packages in October 2011.

Mikayla's Grace just completed it's first Facebook auction. The auction raised funds for the first ever Forever in our Hearts Remembrance Day on October 15th. It was a great success. Proceeds from the event will go towards making Mikayla Grace's NICU and Angel Memory Care Boxes. Some of the items included in these care packages are: disposable cameras, journals, teddy bears, candles, sympathy card and much more. Most of us know how much these items can mean to us in our time of great need. Many of us go to the hospital completely unprepared, not even knowing we are about to lose our child. When I lost Blaine I had no idea what to do. I wish these resources had of been offered to me.

Please take a moment to check out Mikayla's Grace website and Facebook page. Questions: what were key items you wish you had of had at the hospital? What were you thankful to have? Have you made any donations of care packages and if so what did you include?

An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination

"A child dies in this book: a baby. A baby is stillborn. You don't have to tell me how sad that is: it happened to me and my husband, our baby, a son."

I just finished reading An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination. It is incredibly sad and hopeful and heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. When the author, Elizabeth McCracken, talks about the emotions surrounding the loss of her son, I feel I could have written those words myself.
McCracken was 41 weeks pregnant with her first child when it went horribly wrong. The baby died, for unexplained reasons. She had to deliver the baby, still, and find some way to carry on. She talks candidly about the loss, her feelings for her son before and after birth, her relationship with her husband, the effect it had on them, their friends and family. We follow her through the journey of telling family and friends; of moving and packing up the baby items; of finding a new neutral home to live in; to navigating the brand new world of subsequent pregnancy.
McCracken was fortunate to deliver a rainbow baby, born almost exactly one year later. The rainbow baby comes with a whole new set of emotions and she writes

"Everyday as I love this baby in my lap, I think of my other baby. Poor older brother, poor missing one....The love for the first magnifies the love for the second, and vice versa."

I think the sentiments and experiences in this book can ring true for many of us. I found myself not only able to put myself in McCracken's shoes but also in the shoes of the "childish and unnerving" mother from the book signing who laughed wholeheartedly over a seagull stealing her husband's tuna sub and pressed McCracken to write a book about the lighter side of loss. I think that's another book I'd dive right into!

Question: Regrets

We all have things we wish we didn't do or that we did do or that we did differently. There's nothing like hindsight to make you feel guilty. For babyloss families, I think these regrets can become consuming because we don't get the chance to even try to make up for it. Our babies died, and we just can't undo it.

For me, at least, the guilt and regrets were something I felt I needed to hang onto for a long time. I felt like I needed to carry the pain and grief in order to honor my babies, especially Calvin. Giving voice to my regrets and admitting to them feels like a step towards healing. I am still learning that it's okay to be happy, that it's okay to forgive myself and accept that I did my best at the time, and to let peace in.

We all find our own paths in this grief journey, but maybe sharing about your regrets can be helpful, too--for you and for others. It's always less lonely when you know someone else feels the same.

• What do you regret most about the events surrounding your loss?
• If you were able to move past this regret, how did you let it go?
• If you're in the process of letting it go, how are you working on this?
• If you're still holding onto it, why can't you let this regret go?

New Directory: Blogs on Carrying to Term After Fatal Diagnosis

If you or someone you know has a blog about the experiences of carrying to term after a poor prognosis/fatal diagnosis and would like to share, please leave the links below as a comment.

http://thegiftofrachelslife.blogspot.com/
http://babyfaithhope.blogspot.com/
http://louielovescrystal.com/calvinphoenix/kissesforcalvin/

July's Feature: Carrying to Term after a Poor or Fatal Prognosis

Ten weeks before Faith Hope was born, her mommy, Myah, starting blogging. At her 19-week ultrasound, Myah learned that Faith had anencephaly, a fatal neural tube defect. Despite being told that her baby was unlikely to ever gain consciousness, that her child would not live for more than a few minutes after birth, Myah chose to carry Faith to term.

On her blog, We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight, Myah describes her posts and her reasons for sharing Faith and their story with the world: "The posts here are very personal, emotional, brutally honest, and at times ungraceful. It's not easy for me to share so much of our life with the world. But it is my hope that by sharing our story, God will be glorified for all He has done for us. I also hope that this blog will reach other moms out there who are facing the same prenatal diagnosis that I did."

The first posts are about about Myah's pregnancy: her struggles with preparing for childbirth and for Faith's care, the grief of knowing her baby will not live, the joy she found in feeling her baby hiccup and kick.

After Faith was born crying and very much alive, Myah was able to bring her daughter home. Through the posts, videos, and photos, we get a glimpse into Faith's precious 93 days on earth: eating, smiles, jaundice, squealing, sneezes, ticklish feet. Then, on May 23, 2009, Faith passed away as Myah held her in her arms.

---

Have you faced a fatal diagnosis? Did you choose termination, induction, or carrying to term? Why? How do you feel about the decision you made?

My first baby died from amniotic band sequence. At the NT scan I had at 13 weeks, the ultrasound tech found amniotic bands; that's when we found out about the possibility of limb amputation and were offered the option to terminate. The results of the screening also showed a positive marker for Down's Syndrome. We chose to keep our baby and continue with the pregnancy, preparing for a special needs child, but hoping for the best. Unfortunately, we lost our son at 18 weeks, and after we found out he died, I was induced. The decision

Also, if you or someone you know has a blog about the experiences of carrying to term after a poor prognosis/fatal diagnosis and would like to share, please include the links below. We are working on putting together a new directory to help families going through a similar experience.

A Poem For Fathers

Happy Father's Day. Here is a poem I found for Father's who have lost a child. Often they are forgotten as they care for the mother and other children or hide their grief. But it's days like this that remind us, they lost a child too.

~~ A poem for Fathers ~~

It must be very difficult

To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

by Eileen Knight Hagemeister

Question: What Makes You Grateful

I would like to make this a writing project. Please take the below topic and write about it on your own blog. It's a way for us to connect and also for those who may be new to meet some people and get a different perspective. Comment here with a link to your post on your blog and please reference The DBC on your blog when posting. Feel free to also use the below graphic which you can simply save to your computer and place as a picture within your blog post. I hope you'll participate.

Gratitude. Since the loss of my child(ren) the one thing I am most grateful for is...? I know now that before my loss I took ... for granted? From now on I will make sure to recognize ... in my life and it's importance to me?

June's Feature: A New Blog

AJ has just recently started her blog, "Rainbow Making 101." She and her husband started TTC in March of 2010 and were pregnant by July. Unfortunately they lost their first child in August of 2010. Rainbow Making 101 is a story of their new journey to conceive their Rainbow Baby.

This is one definition of a Rainbow Baby, not sure who authored this, I found it on Babycenter.

Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.


AJ's blog gives a very detailed account of their struggle to conceive since the loss of their child. She shares her TTC Timeline on the right side of the blog and through her posts gives a very personal account of the ups and downs of testing, the dreaded 2WW, the emotional rollercoaster that is TTC and my favourite post of hers, "Rainbow Making A - Z."

Most of us know what a tumultous time TTC can be so please head over to AJ's blog and lend her some support.

If you are in the process of TTC and would like to share please leave a comment with your story or link to your blog.